DEAR PEP: My Boss Went to Charm School with Simon Cowell

My boss is a bully. I often wonder if I have thin skin, or if he's really a bad manager. He tends to easily dismiss my ideas in front of the whole staff, mull about it for a bit, then come back later and present the same ideas as though they were his own. He harpooned me in my review, asking me if I was speaking ill about the magazine to the advertising folks at a trade show we were working. Funny though, because I had the flu and was not at the show. He is the most difficult, egotistical person I’ve ever met, professionally or otherwise. He makes others miserable as well, so it is not just me. It is amazing how we put out such a great product—it’s a pretty dysfunctional staff. I have been here only six months and I’m not sure I want to start a job search again. Should I stick it out or start looking? — NOT READY FOR AMERICAN IDOL

DEAR IDOL: People who are overly driven by their egos tend to actually have some level of insecurity. It sounds like Boss Man is a little intimidated by you and needs to put you in your place to settle his own fears. If he were confident of his own ideas , why challenge—then swipe—yours? Or make up bogus accusations in your review? What you do about all this depends on how well you can work in this environment. Ask yourself: Does he make me question my talent or my skills? Is my work suffering, so that I have less respect for the finished product? Do I feel like I am being reduced professionally rather than growing? Does he make me overly anxious? If so, it may be time to get out of there.  But remember: Always go toward something good, not just away from something bad,  so wait until you have another job that is a good match.  If, however, you like your work and are proud of it and still feel like you are developing and growing professionally, then it could be worth sticking it out a bit longer. If you do stay, you obviously cannot avoid the boss, but you can avoid internalizing his nastiness.  When he's a jerk, take a deep breath,  put on your most professional face, and rise above it.  Don't try to argue with him if he is being unreasonable, but do continue to offer your ideas, even if he steals them.  Ultimately, it will be clear that your smarts are strengthening the magazine, and that reality is what is important, not how he sees it. It is always good to have reality on your side, which you do and he doesn't.   Let your work and the rewards of the magazine  be your motivators.  Ultimately, you can control how much power he has over your thoughts and feelings, even if he does control the big red pen. This is a big challenge—it is extremely difficult to not let somebody else’s negatives influence how we see, or live, our lives. But difficult people are everywhere—too often in the corner office—so learning to deal with them is good practice. The best thing we can do is keep their bad attitude from influencing ours.  Plus, it is always possible to outlast him. Perhaps you can start sending his resume elsewhere?